Revelations

Funny how things become crystal clear when you least expect them too. For so many years maybe even all my life I have allowed such little things to control me, control my happiness as if I am defined by how others see me or expect me to behave. When I let go of that I can see for perhaps the first time that it is not me and my behavior it is the other person who is really the one with the problem. For example, my mom has ALWAYS held things over my head. If I didn't do things a certain way or when she wanted them done then she was going to threaten me with something she knew meant a lot to me. It used to be Papa. After he was gone she switched it and it became "part of the family". I did let her control me, I did allow it for so long. But I see now that it is her insecurity and problems that she is this way. I have started to really let these things go. Doesn't mean she will change. Every single day she is on me about something. Something she wants done or something that has happened and she just has to tell me 5-6 times. It is just part of the cross I bear. Only now I can see it for what it is.